if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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