Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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