Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
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