I am in a vortex of obligation.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize