I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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