So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize