clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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