Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
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At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
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Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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