Someone shit on the floor
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize