U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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