i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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