Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
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i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
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Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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