There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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