I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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