Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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