all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize