batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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