Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
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So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
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Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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