at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
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we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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