my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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