I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
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I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
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Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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