i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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