I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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