i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize