Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize