Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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