There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize