I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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