Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize