I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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