my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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