This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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