I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize