If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Come on in and take your pants off
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