so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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