New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize