When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
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Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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