About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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