She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm too high and old for this...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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