party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
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She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
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This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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