and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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