Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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