either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk is not a location!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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