I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
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Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
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It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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