And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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