Sry I called you an 8
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize