How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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