i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
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I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
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I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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