I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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