I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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